Thoughts On Turning 39...

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Earlier this month, I turned 39 years old.  I don’t know why, but 39 seems like more of a milestone age than 40. I’m sad because it feels like the end of something, but happy because I know its the beginning of something else. I’m not sure and I can’t quite put my finger on it. But, at 39, this is what I’m feeling: 

My 20’s were all about me and my friends. My 30’s were more about my family and my career.  My decisions are made with others in mind first. My co-workers, classmates, boyfriends and other people I hung out with were all that mattered in my 20’s. Yes, I worked in my 20’s, but a career was not something I thought about in the long term. Any money I made went towards restaurants, alcohol, traveling, and books. While I still have the occasional book (and Beyonce ticket) splurge, traveling is done with my family in mind, as most all my financial decisions are.  Responsibility is something that just kind of happened in my 30’s and although I sometimes miss the carefree selfish days of my 20’s, at 39, I know this phase of my life is so much better. 

Speaking of those co-workers and classmates, it blows my mind that the same people I hung out with in high school and drank with in college are now in charge of Fortune 500 companies, Principals of schools, and University Professors and Deans. Heck, some are even in charge of leading our country. It’s weird and inspiring all at once. 

I’m not afraid of getting older, but I am afraid of getting old.

I want the wisdom and knowledge that comes with age, but not the health problems. I want to be healthy as I age. I’m scared of losing my parents and I’m afraid of losing those around me. I hate watching the people I love get sick and way too many people I love have cancer and it makes me angry and so very scared. So in my 30’s I started to eat better and workout not as a way to look good in skinny jeans ( a minor plus) but as a form of longevity. I want to be around as long as I can to be around for my kids, to tell my story and to experience as much from this life as I possibly can.

So, what do I know at 39?

I know that I’m ready to take responsibility for life and my place in the world. I realize that not everyone is going to like me and that is ok. That living a life of service to others is a far better way to live. That I will save absolutely nothing for later or next time because later isn’t guaranteed.  I know I am never going to be perfect, and at 39, I’m not even trying to be. What I do expect out of myself is my very best in any and all situations.  At 39, you start to focus on smaller things that make up the big picture. I feel like I finally know what I want from my life.

Does turning the big 4-0 scare me? Absolutely. But, its the anxious excited type of scary and I'm ready for the adventure. 

Are you celebrating a milestone birthday this year?  What have you realized as you've gotten older? 

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